fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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