And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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