my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
