Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
