who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
