I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
