Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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