strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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