What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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