went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
