I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
