I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
