So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
