It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
