Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
