Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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