This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
