I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I deserve this hangover.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
