my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
