Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
