White coat. Heels.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
