your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
