I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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