I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
