It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
