Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
