neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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