yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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