apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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