I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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