how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
