Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
