hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
