Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
