Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
