Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
