you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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