I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
