eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
