just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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