I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
