wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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