Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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