you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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