just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
