i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
