He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Did you pee in the oven last night??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
