pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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