I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
