some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
