worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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