sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
