Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
