Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize