I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
