READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
