so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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