just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
