Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I smell stomach acid.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
