Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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