SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
