How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think I have vodka in my lungs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
