I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
