Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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