Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
