I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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