If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
