Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
