Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
