This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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