i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
