Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
