and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
