This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
