I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
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