ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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